Week 15 - I've Got it So Good
Gosh. Just when I think I have been given as many gifts and blessings from the universe as one human could possibly deserve, the light shines even brighter.
We had an immensely challenging time with nursing. Just brutal from the start...
Because Lilly was jaundiced, and because my milk had not come in, we had to feed her formula from a bottle for the first several days of her life. The formula helped her process the bilirubin in her system to address the jaundice. However, we were left with a baby who would not nurse. It was difficult to tell whether it was the early bottlefeeding that prevented her from breast-feeding, or whether it was some other issue.
As I mentioned in another post, we saw a nursing consultant when she was 2 weeks old. Because I wanted to be persistent with the nursing, I did everything on Linda's checklist. The issue was broken down into two possible categories of problems: The first issue could be me, as in my breast milk supply could be low which would cause the baby to be frustrated when nursing because she was not getting enough food. The second possible issue was the baby, as in an oral mechanic issue like a tongue tie or a lip tie that would prevent her from being able to nurse efficiently. Upon initial inspection of Lilly's mouth, they did not believe that it was a major tongue tie or lip tie issue.
So, the first part of our troubleshooting was making sure that my supply was sufficient. And, while doing this, making sure that the baby maintained a natural level of interest in breast-feeding, and did not develop too strong of a preference for bottlefeeding. This included, for each feeding, attempting to offer the breast, then using breastmilk to wet the breast to provide an incentive for the baby to latch, then bottlefeeding breastmilk that I had pumped if the baby did not latch and nurse until she was full.
That part of each feeding took about 20 minutes and always ended in the baby screaming and crying in frustration at the breast because she was not getting fed. Although I knew rationally that she would be fed my milk from a bottle at the end of the ordeal, there was a very discouraging voice in my head that caused fear and doubt and made me question whether I was properly caring for the baby. The more upset I would get, the longer each feeding took and the longer the baby would cry and fuss and scream in hunger. In my stubbornness, sometimes we would fight with each other for 30 to 40 minutes before I would agree to give her the bottle. She gained weight and was a happy and easy baby otherwise. But, when feedings are happening every 60 to 90 minutes including throughout the night, I was not getting any rest and I was an emotional wreck.
Every Thursday I had to drag myself out of bed and make it to the lactation support group at my pediatrician's office by 11 AM. At group, we sat on the floor in a meeting room in the office and nursed our babies together, listened to one another's questions, and tried to offer our experience and learn from Linda, who was running the group. We would weigh the babies. Then, we would nurse the babies, and weigh them again to see how much milk they had transferred. This gave us some insight into how efficient the babies were nursing. With Lilly, she would nurse for 20 minutes (with all the bells and whistles described above) and only transfer about 15 to 30 ML / 1 ounce. She could easily finish a bottle of 3 ounces!
After I endured 4 (at times painful, depressing) weeks of pumping and bottlefeeding (AND got mastitis and a fever), we were confident that my supply was sufficient for her. Then, we went back to the drawing board and evaluated whether or not it was an oral mechanic issue. We decided after a lot of research that we should get her tongue tie clipped because the doctors (plural opinions sought) said it really could make a difference. The procedure took 2 minutes (I waited outside the exam room because I couldn't bear to watch or even listen to Lilly cry). Immediately, right there in the exam room, she nursed for 20 minutes with a strong vacuum and I could tell that this would be the end of our nursing struggles. In the five weeks that I attended group every Thursday, feeling depressed and lost in the wilderness of our nursing challenge, I met five other moms who invited me to hang out with them outside of group.
They are now my closest friends. We saw each other almost on a daily basis, now text constantly with questions jokes, uplifting stories and comments, all going through similar challenges with our kids who are the approximately the same ages. The fact that these women live in walking distance and that their kids are going through the same things at the same time as Lilly has made the friendships so meaningful and helpful. I really am grateful for these connections at this special time in my life.
We had an immensely challenging time with nursing. Just brutal from the start...
Because Lilly was jaundiced, and because my milk had not come in, we had to feed her formula from a bottle for the first several days of her life. The formula helped her process the bilirubin in her system to address the jaundice. However, we were left with a baby who would not nurse. It was difficult to tell whether it was the early bottlefeeding that prevented her from breast-feeding, or whether it was some other issue.
As I mentioned in another post, we saw a nursing consultant when she was 2 weeks old. Because I wanted to be persistent with the nursing, I did everything on Linda's checklist. The issue was broken down into two possible categories of problems: The first issue could be me, as in my breast milk supply could be low which would cause the baby to be frustrated when nursing because she was not getting enough food. The second possible issue was the baby, as in an oral mechanic issue like a tongue tie or a lip tie that would prevent her from being able to nurse efficiently. Upon initial inspection of Lilly's mouth, they did not believe that it was a major tongue tie or lip tie issue.
So, the first part of our troubleshooting was making sure that my supply was sufficient. And, while doing this, making sure that the baby maintained a natural level of interest in breast-feeding, and did not develop too strong of a preference for bottlefeeding. This included, for each feeding, attempting to offer the breast, then using breastmilk to wet the breast to provide an incentive for the baby to latch, then bottlefeeding breastmilk that I had pumped if the baby did not latch and nurse until she was full.
That part of each feeding took about 20 minutes and always ended in the baby screaming and crying in frustration at the breast because she was not getting fed. Although I knew rationally that she would be fed my milk from a bottle at the end of the ordeal, there was a very discouraging voice in my head that caused fear and doubt and made me question whether I was properly caring for the baby. The more upset I would get, the longer each feeding took and the longer the baby would cry and fuss and scream in hunger. In my stubbornness, sometimes we would fight with each other for 30 to 40 minutes before I would agree to give her the bottle. She gained weight and was a happy and easy baby otherwise. But, when feedings are happening every 60 to 90 minutes including throughout the night, I was not getting any rest and I was an emotional wreck.
Every Thursday I had to drag myself out of bed and make it to the lactation support group at my pediatrician's office by 11 AM. At group, we sat on the floor in a meeting room in the office and nursed our babies together, listened to one another's questions, and tried to offer our experience and learn from Linda, who was running the group. We would weigh the babies. Then, we would nurse the babies, and weigh them again to see how much milk they had transferred. This gave us some insight into how efficient the babies were nursing. With Lilly, she would nurse for 20 minutes (with all the bells and whistles described above) and only transfer about 15 to 30 ML / 1 ounce. She could easily finish a bottle of 3 ounces!
After I endured 4 (at times painful, depressing) weeks of pumping and bottlefeeding (AND got mastitis and a fever), we were confident that my supply was sufficient for her. Then, we went back to the drawing board and evaluated whether or not it was an oral mechanic issue. We decided after a lot of research that we should get her tongue tie clipped because the doctors (plural opinions sought) said it really could make a difference. The procedure took 2 minutes (I waited outside the exam room because I couldn't bear to watch or even listen to Lilly cry). Immediately, right there in the exam room, she nursed for 20 minutes with a strong vacuum and I could tell that this would be the end of our nursing struggles. In the five weeks that I attended group every Thursday, feeling depressed and lost in the wilderness of our nursing challenge, I met five other moms who invited me to hang out with them outside of group.
They are now my closest friends. We saw each other almost on a daily basis, now text constantly with questions jokes, uplifting stories and comments, all going through similar challenges with our kids who are the approximately the same ages. The fact that these women live in walking distance and that their kids are going through the same things at the same time as Lilly has made the friendships so meaningful and helpful. I really am grateful for these connections at this special time in my life.
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